The Dave Green Zone

So, the last two posts…   
They were written while drinking.
They weren’t too bad, huh?

I am happy to report that I used the word "ennui" perfectly in a sentence today. Unfortunately, I was using it to describe what I’m feeling; so really, I’m not happy to report this or anything else at all.

There are some people moving in.  They appear to be a bunch of white frat boys with a Toyota sedan. They are taking turns fumbling around on a skateboard, blasting rap music out of their car’s crappy speakers, and giggling like school girls. There goes the neighborhood…

I get my car washed at a place called "USA Carwash" that very prominently advertises $5 car washes. Whenever I go, I always intend on getting the $5 wash, but they always up-sell me and I end up paying $8 for the deluxe. I feel powerless to say no.

I recorded some music and I’ve been toying around with lyrics, but I’m coming up blank. I had some stuff written, but I felt it was a little disingenuous. The problem is, whenever I write, I’m  afraid to open myself up to ridicule, so I try to write something funny. I guess I feel that people judge goofy songs (and blogs) a little less harshly. It’s not so bad if someone laughs at you because you wrote a silly song about underwear, but it’s  got to be pretty painful if people laugh at something you really wrote from the heart.

Actually, I’m not a very good singer to begin with , so maybe it doesn’t matter what I write. Even if I had  Emily Dickens writing the lyrics, the song probably wouldn’t be that much better.  Now that I think about it, it is kind of liberating to have a bar set that low. So stay tuned folks, my song might be surprisingly adequate.

Comments are back on The Dave Green Zone! Feel free to express your cheers, jeers, and well-wishes at your will.

Also, I double-posted today (which I normally hate to do), so if you haven’t already, please check out the previous post below– It is hilarious!

People can’t tell the difference anymore between a muffin and a cupcake. A muffin used to be something made out of bran that didn’t taste great, but it filled you up. A cupcake, on the other hand, was something you’d get at a birthday party. It wasn’t good for you, but it made you happy.

Nowadays, they make all sorts of sweet muffins that are basically just cupcakes without icing. They only call them muffins because you’re supposed to eat them for breakfast. Eating a cupcake for breakfast doesn’t make it a muffin! If you want to eat a cupcake, I say enjoy, but don’t try to allay your guilt by calling it a muffin. Don’t try to pretend that your chocolate chocolate chip muffin is part of a balanced nutritious breakfast, because it’s not!

What’s next? “Oh no, this isn’t a donut, it’s just a sweet glazed bagel filled with custard!” Well friends, I’m drawing a line in the sand right now! From now on, if I see anyone eating a muffin that in any way resembles a cupcake I will totally say “man, that cupcake sure looks good!”

P.S. I just got a new microphone, so as a test, I recorded an audio version of this post as well (see below). I hope you enjoy.

 

 I'm Making a Stand! [1:07m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Observation: Every morning I wake up 10 minutes before I’m supposed to go to work. I then hurry through my morning routine in a rush and barely make it to work on time.

Hypothesis: If I wake up early, I can have a more leisurely morning and be more apt to enjoy life.

Materials: Melatonin, An alarm clock

Procedures:
1. Take melatonin at 9 p.m. on Sunday night.
2. Go to bed at 10 p.m.
3. Toss and turn for what seems like hours and hours
4. Wake up at 6
5. Enjoy the morning!

Results: Overall I had a good morning. I got up, listened to Howard Stern, ate breakfast, sat naked in my bedroom playing “Paranoid” by Black Sabbath on the bass, and then showered and got dressed. I made it to work with time to spare, and was generally feeling okay. Towards the afternoon though, my energy level started to dip. If I continue to wake up early, I’ll probably need to up my caffeine intake.

Conclusion: I failed to disprove my hypothesis, but I still need to examine the long-term effects of this program. I have a feeling that if I continue this indefinitely, it will probably mean that I am getting old, and I am not sure I’m ready for that yet.