I recently learned that there are people my age that still go trick or treating. Apparently, they are trying to recapture some childhood memories by going door to door begging for candy. Quit it! If our generation ever wants to be taken seriously, we need to grow up. When they were our age, our grandfathers didn’t wear costumes to beg for candy; they wore costumes to kill Nazis! I am normally a pacifist, but I think we should reinstate the draft for anyone over 18 that is still trick or treating. Obviously, if you have time to scrounge for free candy, you have time to hunt for Osama Bin Laden.
I was reading my last post and I realized that I said “thrilled” twice. I assure you that my vocabulary is magnificent, and that I know several synonyms for “thrilled” (elated, bursting with joy, on top of the world…just to name a few). I am coming down with a cold, and I was very tired when I wrote that, so I did not give it my normal rigorous proofread. I know that my readers expect a certain level of quality from my blog, so I hope that that gaff has not lowered your opinion of me.
YouTube has a feature that allows me to see who is linking to my videos. I am thrilled that people use my videos on Myspace and Facebook, but it makes me wonder: “Shouldn’t you people have more friends?” I am thrilled you feel you can express something by using my videos, but you’re only getting me one or two extra views! It appears that my “fan base” are a bunch of reclusive weirdos. I am the artist, I am supposed to be the eccentric hermit. You, on the other hand, are supposed to be young hipsters who turn all your trendy friends onto my videos. Then, once I gain fleeting Internet celebrity, I’ll sell out and retire. This has been my dream for over a year now, but you are all screwing it up. So, I am begging you, make some damn friends. (Recommended Reading: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.)
For the past few weeks I’ve been keeping track of my Google ranking. A few weeks ago I was the #150 Dave Green. Today I am #117. Dave Green is a pretty common name, so I am pleased to be as high on the list as I am, but I will not be completely happy until I am #1.
Of course, now that I think about it, there is a certain amount of anonymity that I get from being the 117th Dave Green. If a prospective employer were to Google my name, they’d be inundated with other Dave Greens and probably give up before they found me. Not that I have anything to be ashamed of, but you never know what these corporate types will think. I guess that is a risk I am willing to take…for now.
10/28/2007 – *Update* I am now the number 57 Dave Green. The world still ceases to care.
I bought the domain name “thedavegreenzone.com” today to avoid any confusion. I admit the confusion is mostly on my part because I say the name of the web site as “The Dave Green Zone”, but there was no “the” in the URL. Anyhow, problem solved.
Oh, and here is yet another Dave Video from the enigmatic and prolific 2manySpades. Once again, I am in awe of both his craftsmanship and his willingness to spend his free time making videos that feature my dumb ass, but I am no less thankful. Check it out:
(I double posted tonight, so if you did not notice, there is a fascinating post below this one about how I am wearing sweaters and collared shirts this fall. I suggest you read it.)
When I last left you, I hated Time Warner and was going with the Verizon FIOS service. Not long after I wrote that post, I was looking around online and found a better deal for FIOS. So I called Verizon and asked them about it and they said “that deal is online, the prices over the phone are different.” So I said “ok, I’ll cancel my order and reorder it online.” Well, canceling the order was easier said than done. When I first called they couldn’t find the order, so they transferred me to several different departments, but no luck. Finally I got an order number in the e-mail, and after more runaround with customer service, was able to cancel my order. I was so frustrated with their customer service that I called Time Warner. Apparently whatever it was that said they couldn’t install it until November was some kind of glitch in their system, because they were able to install the service on the day I wanted.
So, to sum it up, Verizon has horrible customer service. Every time I called them, every question had to go to another department.. I am currently happy with my Time Warner cable and Internet (which is not as fast as FIOS), but if I ever have a problem (or find a better deal), I am not under any kind of contract, so I am free to switch any time (Verizon makes you sign a one-year contract). The ball is in your court Verizon.
I know the only thing more boring than making small-talk about the weather is blogging about the weather, but it is starting to get a little bit chilly outside. Whenever it gets cold, I have to do some soul searching about how exactly I will express myself with my cold weather fashion. At different stages of my life, I’ve worn different things. I wore a flannel shirt throughout high school (grunge style), a black hoodie throughout college, and last year I just wore long sleeve shirts under a leather jacket. This year though, I am going with a collared shirt under a v-neck sweater. It is not only a fashionable and businesslike look, but it is versatile; it allows me to adjust for warmer afternoons. So, you’d better get to the Gap quick before there is a run on sweaters, because I have a feeling once people get a load of how cool I look, they will be selling fast. Check it out for yourself:
If you’re like me, you’ve said “Why hasn’t anyone ever done a video about eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch to an Elvis Costello soundtrack?” Well, ask no more! I have created the definitive Cinnamon Crunch and Elvis Costello mash-up. I hope you enjoy.
According to J.K. Rowling, Albus Dumbledore was gay. This admission is a bold move. She is not exactly loved by the right-wing types, and now she says: “Oh, by the way, one of my most beloved characters…he’s gay!” You’ve got to admire her gumption. She has no real reason to make the character gay. Conceivably, she might even lose money because homophobes won’t buy her books. I, however, do not care. We have to remember that Albus Dumbledore was the greatest wizard EVER. He was kind and compassionate. He believed in love and equality, and (Spoiler Alert!) gave his life to save the rest of the wizarding world. It is because of this that so many people will be outraged. Our society is hesitant to accept a gay hero; though, this could be a step in the right direction. People already love Dumbledore, so hopefully they will realize that his sexual orientation is not that important. Perhaps one day we will not judge a man by which way his wang swings (even if it weirds us out a little), but by the content of his character!
P.S. If this story has any traction (which I am guessing it will), here is what you can expect in the next few days: Outrage from Christians, book burnings/boycotts, and bad jokes about Dumbledore and Senator Larry Craig and/or bad jokes about Dumbledore in “Brokeback Mountain”.
Random Haiku 