The Dave Green Zone

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 05:59:59 +0000

@ebertchicago in reply to ebertchicago #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 05:59:59 +0000

I got the Mac Heist bundle. 7 awesome apps worth $260+ for just $20 and got 3 great bonus apps free! http://bit.ly/heist-it #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 05:59:59 +0000

At the Anthony Bourdain show with Natalie. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@aquanetta05 good luck Jess! in reply to aquanetta05 #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:59:59 +0000

Someone said they couldn't hear me on my new Blackberry and I got really defensive. I've become a zealot! #
Wishes just once someone would ask me what I thought about the last episode of Mad Men. #
Incidentally, the last episode of Mad Men was great! #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney Finally a taco it's okay for goth kids to enjoy! #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 05:59:59 +0000

In Safari you can only press a button to add a new tab when a second tab is already open. I guess I'm sticking with Firefox. #
Just found the "Add Tab" button option in the customize toolbar menu. I am really trying to like Safari. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 05:59:59 +0000

I hate flying on those little commuter jets, but I like that when I stand up on them, my head touches the ceiling. I felt so tall! #
Dude! There are a lot of lizards here! That might not be a terrible thing. At least they'll take care of some bugs. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@KAYANKING leaving Tex Mex and hopefully discovering Cuban food! Mostly packed. It's all happening so fast. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@KAYANKING I thought you were just thrilled about how much weight you lost! #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@officershell I think that might be a scam: http://www.snopes.com/fraud/employment/google.asp #

Please Don’t Go See Transformers 2

Dave — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 05:27:22 +0000

I don’t think people should review movies they haven’t seen, but I’m going to make a one time exception. Here is my review of “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen”:

Horrible.

I guess I could be wrong, but I know I’m not; movies like this are an insult to our collective intelligence. I know it’s escapist fun, but if we keep watching movies we know are going to be bad, then they’ll just keep making bad movies. So let’s put an end to it right now and refuse to pay 10 dollars to see a 300 million dollar toy commercial!

(Editor’s note: I do feel bad about unleashing the power of the Dave Green Zone on Transformers 2. Now it will probably end up losing a bunch of money and go straight to DVD. I’m sorry for any financial losses, but I could no longer keep quiet.)

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@officershell You must be mistaken, I’m not getting married. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 05:59:59 +0000

My brain does not have an on/off switch. #
It’s a real feeling of accomplishment to have to go back and take some of the padding out of your resume. #
@christiney all of my albums have artwork on itunes. It was probably a 2 week project. You’ll never be satisfied until it’s complete. #
@christiney if you have an ounce of OCD, you’ll go back and do the singles. I ended up scanning obscure album covers at 4 AM at some point.. #
@christiney finally got a mac? What took you so long? #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@aquanetta05 I hear Vicodin has anti-tussant properties. In addition to being an opiate narcotic and an agonist analgesic. #
I bought today’s woot shirt. You should buy it too, if you want to dress like me. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 25 May 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@persephone_x The name in and of itself is very aggressive. Maybe it was like “Orange Hug” or something. #
@saayeh What do dog’s collect? Old tennis balls and dead birds? #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 18 May 2009 05:59:59 +0000

My one word review of the season finale of Lost: “What?” #
It’s not the monotony that bothers me. It’s my own ambivalence to the monotony that really chaps my hide. #
@christiney For every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction. My reaction to that much caffeine is to puke. #
@christiney “For every reaction…” Did I mention I’ve never taken a physics class in my entire life? #
I declare the 30 Rock finale to be the best season finale of the finale season. #
I’ve totally become a shorts and sandals guy. I feel so laid back. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 11 May 2009 05:59:59 +0000

A lot of great people have been insomniacs. They feverishly created in lieu of sleep. Instead of that, I’m watching reruns of “The Office” #
The dental night guard has totally become my adult pacifier. #
Apparently, I am not too proud to print out a coupon and get a free 2 piece meal from KFC. I am, however, too proud to go again tomorrow. #
Bristol Palin is now preaching abstinence to avoid pregnancy. By that logic, the best way to avoid car accidents is to just not drive. #
My back really hurts today for no reason, but i’m determined not to be one of those guys always complaining about their back. Ouch. #
I hate when the national day of prayer lands on my weekly “prayer free Thursday.” #
Someone get some coffee, cause it sure is muggy outside! Ha! #
Obama asked for Dijon mustard on his burger? When do they start the impeachment hearings? #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 04 May 2009 05:59:59 +0000

When did Twitter become so huge? People are joining in droves. Does this mean I need to start posting again? It’s stressful being witty… #
I just gave Clint Eastwood’s “Unforgiven” 5 stars on Netflix for its gritty brutality; in turn, Netflix recommended “Singing in the Rain” #
Sometimes you just go where the night takes you. Tonight: beer drinking and watching westerns. #
I’m a pretty liberal guy, but there’s nothing like watching John Wayne kill a bunch of savage injuns. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 05:59:59 +0000

The best part of taco monday is cold leftover taco tues. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney and I hear it is also a place to get beaten in scrabble… #
@christiney I won’t say I’ve never been there, but now we’ll never be able to shut Laura up! #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 05:59:59 +0000

I used my new immersion blender to make potato soup as smooth and delicious as cream gravy. #

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney welcome back Yankee… in reply to christiney #
Headed to fort worth, for what it’s worth… #

Dave Green’s Space Opera, Act I

Dave — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 05:49:31 +0000

What follows is the first act of my 5 minute space opera. Is this the work of a genius, or just a weirdo noodling with the vocoder in his newly procured copy of logic express? Only time will tell. Needless to say it is a bit of a departure from my previous works.

To Be Continued…

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney it’s finally okay to buy (most) music from itunes. Unfortunately, amazon is still better because they don’t charge tax. in reply to christiney #

Gothic Surfers Dot Com

Dave — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 08:27:17 +0000

My Internet empire has just gotten one domain name larger. I am now the proud owner of gothicsurfers.com. Hopefully I’ll figure out something to do with it. Ideally, I think I want to use it as a repository for my weirdness (separate from my blog). So go check it out, and consider the new A Capella version of NUOF posted there a welcome gift from me to you.

LOLDave

Dave — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 07:41:56 +0000

My internal informal polling shows that a lot of davegreenzone.com readers also read the popular weblog icanhascheezburger.com (sic). Personally, I don’t think it’s funny at all. Adorable pictures of cats saying unusual things with bad spelling and grammar? Frankly, the appeal escapes me, but there’s no denying it’s a genuine internet phenomenon. It is therefore no surprise that I have decided to jump on this particular (lucrative!) internet bandwagon. So, please enjoy the first of many “LOLDaves” that will appear here from time to time. I know you will probably come to enjoy them much more than the cat pictures, as these will be written with that patented Dave Green wit that you’ve become accustomed to over the past couple years. Also, I think they’ll be pretty “easy on the eyes”, if I do say so myself. So without further adieu, hilarity:

Dave’s Thoughts on

Dave — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I spent my entire lunch hour applying a grade curve to my netflix ratings. That’s why they call me Mr. Excitement. #
When was the last time you ate a starburst? Let me tell you, they’re delicious! #

Dave Green’s Guide to Gifting!

Dave — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:23:03 +0000

One of the things I take pride in is my ability to buy great gifts. So, as an early Christmas present to all of you, here are some tips to make your life easier this holiday season.

1. Paperbacks Are Lame

Books make great presents. They are thoughtful, cheap, and even if the person has no interest in them, they rarely get returned (Hot Tip: Write a meaningful inscription so they CAN’T take it back!). That being said, always buy hardcover books. Hardcover books have weight, they look better on a shelf, and they make it seem like you actually put some thought into the gift (you did, right?).

2. The Gag Gift Equation

In my youth my Dad set a 3 dollar limit for gag gifts. While this was acceptable for a child in the 80’s, times have changed. In my opinion, the notion of a hard gag gift limit is antiquated. If the gag is funny enough, I say the sky is the limit on what you should spend. That being said, there are a couple guidelines: First, the gag gift should never be the sole gift. It should be the amuse-bouche to the entrée of the main present. Second, while I set no concrete spending limits, I believe that a gag gift should cost no more than half the price of the main gift.

3. Returns? Not My Problem!

All of the stress of gift buying should stop at the time of purchase. If someone doesn’t like your gift, that is entirely their problem. If someone wants to return your gift, put up a fuss and say you lost the receipt. The only time it is okay to offer a receipt is in cases of duplication or defective merchandise. If the person continues being difficult, tell them that the store you bought it from has a liberal return policy and take pleasure in the fact that they are miserable waiting in a long post-christmas line while you are getting drunk on almost expired egg nog.

4. Couples Dynamics

When shopping for a couple, you are rarely shopping for the man. It’s almost impossible to buy something that both parties will enjoy equally (with the possible exception of consumables like food and wine), so when in doubt, just get something the woman will like. We live in a pretty patriarchal society, so don’t feel too bad for the man. By the way, the only exception to this rule is gay couples. (Bonus hint: I’ve never had to buy anything for a gay couple, but I would imagine they would like something that can be used at a party [example: campy chip and dip tray or karaoke machine]. They are a very festive people. )

5. Gift Wrapping

If you read the last tip, you know I’m a pretty enlightened guy. So, you know it is not out of sexism that I say: women are far better at gift wrapping than men. Do you know how many trees are killed every year due to gifts improperly wrapped by men? I would imagine a lot! This is why I either don’t wrap my gifts (I believe a good gift can stand on its own, sans wrapping), or I have my mom wrap my gifts for me. There is no shame in having your mom wrap your presents. As a general rule though, if your mom wraps your presents, you should spend 25% more on her present than everyone else’s; just don’t have her wrap that one (that’s your sister’s job).

As Seen on TV

Dave — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 02:08:05 +0000

If you didn’t see the Daily Show last night, Jon Stewart interviewed Mike Huckabee and spoke about gay marriage. It’s odd to me that conservatives care so much about whether gay people can get married, and I think Jon Stewart articulated that better than anyone else could.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

M – Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Economic Crisis

Political Humor

P.S. On a somewhat related note, I’d like to say how much I love Hulu. I watched the Daily Show, then went to the Hulu website and found the episode, trimmed it down to the relevant clip, and posted it. It is truly a wonderful time to be alive! Why should I even create my own content anymore, when it’s so easy to just post stuff I like on TV.

Update, the hulu link died, so I guess it isn’t the greatest thing since sliced bread (but still pretty great). Fortunately, thedailyshow.com has all of their past shows up in the archives. Still a very relevant clip.

Where’s All the Twitter?

Dave — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:37:04 +0000

For those wondering, the world doesn’t seem as friendly as it did the last time I posted. I’ve had all of my wisdom teeth removed since the election, and I think my liberal idealism was housed in my mandibular third molars. Also, there was a terrorist attack in Mumbai, the economy is still tanking, and I was not chosen to be Paris Hilton’s BFF…

Now to business…

After asking absolutely no one except myself, I have decided to banish all of the Twitter posts from the main page. I feel that they were kind of distracting and drew focus away from my longer posts full of witty repartee (like this one). I will still post on twitter and you can read my various pearls of 140 character wisdom by clicking on the new menu link labeled “Twitter” or by visiting my actual Twitter page (www.twitter.com/davegreenrocks).

Does this mean I’m going to be writing more long-form posts? Well, I wouldn’t get your hopes up, but you never know. I’m thinking about dumping my cable soon, so perhaps I’ll be more inspired to blog (or write letters to Jodie Foster).

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-11-05

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney I voted absentee, so I don’t get an “I voted” sticker. #

On the election…

Dave — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 06:08:26 +0000

It’s so weird to actually feel good on the night of a Presidential election. Tomorrow we’ll get back to business as usual, but just for tonight, I want to stop being cynical and enjoy what just happened. Tonight the world seems like a friendlier place, and while I don’t think it will stay that way for long, I’m glad I’m experiencing it.

I just hope our new President doesn’t fuck things up any worse.

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-11-04

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney Sell out! Just kidding. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-10-31

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Apparently, you can’t get a crucifix at Walmart #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-10-17

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 05:59:59 +0000

If you saw the debate last night, you might enjoy this http://tinyurl.com/3sh9vt. #
Watching spinal tap on my ipod at lunch, trying not to shed a tear at the end when nigel gets back with the band. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-10-16

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney I did go to the state fair, and it was awesome. I guess you’re too much of a yankee now to understand. #
When all of your music on itunes has album covers, then you feel like a better person. Flipping through coverflow is a source of pride. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-10-15

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:59:59 +0000

on my new iPod touch. The web browser is suprisingly nice, but I’m having a hard time typing. #
Ever get a huge craving for duck? Probably not, if you’re white. #
I’ve got cash in my pocket, i’m going to buy some barbeque duck after work. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-20

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Paul Krugman’s beard looks odd in high-def… #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-13

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I really like those Seinfeld and Bill Gates commercials. I don’t get them, but I think that’s the point. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-12

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I’m sick of divisive politics, but I am watching more cable news than ever. Higher ratings means more mudslinging. It is a vicious cycle. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-11

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I’m up late sorting my itunes library, making sure everything is properly tagged. I think I might be a tad obsessive compulsive… #

Critique of Visual Haiku

Dave — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 05:09:22 +0000

This is a review my sister wrote about my previous piece “Visual Haiku”. I think it’s pretty good (and accurate):

David Green’s “Visual Haiku” was created in late 2008 as a response to criticism of his controversial “Fingerless Turkey”. While damaging to Green’s ego, it is apparent that the constructive commentary attributed greatly to the evolution of his work. The simple yet dynamic pen and ink drawing exudes humor while still challenging the viewer intellectually.

Beginning from the top of the piece, we see “Visual Haiku” hastily written on the work itself. The incorporation of the title lends to the child like nature consistent in the artist’s oevre . One could also perceive this as a dry jab communicating to the audience “You are not smart enough to get the joke on the on your own”. The actual letters are short and haughty as if their inclusion were an after thought. This differs greatly in comparison to the images below the heading which are almost too carefully drawn making the line quality jagged and varied.

The visual organization consists of a sequence of dancing numbers representing the syllabic pattern of a Japanese haiku. Working from left to right the viewer sees the first number five. The five has a smile on its face and appears to be happy though one eye is slightly larger than the other and his right arm is detached from his body. Connected to the five in an entanglement of fingers is the number seven. This could be considered the focal point of the drawing as his feet contradict the direction of the other two numbers and his body is slightly turned toward the viewer to provide depth.
The last five, pulling the other two numbers to the edge of the paper, is much thinner than the first. This final number is a positive departure from Green’s style. The movement demonstrated by the upward angled feet and the determined guiding arm is typical of someone emerging from the pre-schematic stage of drawing development.

The overall composition of David Green’s “Visual Haiku” mirrors the sparse, unrhythmic pattern of the Japanese poem. The viewer is able to see three different yet similar elements come together to form a poetic melding that is organic in nature but confined within boundaries.

My response in haiku form:

You art critics are
like literary critics
without the reading…

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-09

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Just re-watched Little Miss Sunshine. I liked it better the second time. The last 20 minutes or so are absolute genius. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-04

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Oh shrill divisive politics, how I’ve missed you. I know you make democracy cry, but I can’t stop watching. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-02

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

My new thing is to say “I’m notorious for…” For example: “As you know, I’m notorious for my impatience”…It makes me sound more important #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-09-01

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I just called the oil change place and said “Y’all are open today?” That is how you’re expected to talk to blue-collar workers in Texas. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-08-29

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I dug the Obama speech, but that doesn’t guarantee him the davegreenzone.com endorsement. I would endorse McCain for an ambassadorship… #
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I think I might be a terrible guitar player. I will try to get better. #
You mean a pro-life alaskan former beauty queen with no foreign policy experience could be a heartbeat away from the presidency? #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-08-27

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 05:59:59 +0000

For my money, I much prefer Jill Sobule kissing a girl. #

More Funnies!

Dave — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 06:41:23 +0000

A certain person expressed some dissatisfaction with the quality of my previous drawings. I do respect this person’s opinion, because despite his or her shortcomings, he or she knows good art; after all, this person did spend like 8 years getting a bachelors degree in art history. With that in mind, I worked very hard on this next piece. I hope you enjoy it.

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-08-24

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I fell asleep watching the men’s marathon on the olympics. What a bunch of losers, running around in the heat, while I am taking a nap. #
I have iTunes playing on random, and all the songs so far have been really good. Is this proof of a higher power in the universe? #
Sometimes it’s almost scary how accurate the Onion can be. http://tinyurl.com/5tue6q #
I’ve been feeling really hopeful lately, which is worrisome. Times of great optimism scare me more than almost anything else. #
I’m watching “I love the New Millennium” on VH1. Am I allowed to be nostalgic about stuff from less than 8 years ago? Who cares! #
That JC Penny Breakfast Club commercial represents everything wrong with society, but I kind of like it. I think I might be a masochist… #
When a guy tells me that he can’t grow a beard, I secretly feel that I’m better than him. #

Safety First!

Dave — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 07:54:43 +0000

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-08-23

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I am my own biggest fan. I cannot listen to “Let It Be” anymore without singing my name in the chorus. http://tiny.cc/JvyIg #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-08-22

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:59:59 +0000

There are very few nicer ways to spend a Thursday night than in your underwear listening to Neil Young with a belly full of Vietnamese food. #

Dave Green Graphs, Part 2

Dave — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:40:37 +0000

Dave Green Graphs, Part 1

Dave — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 03:00:59 +0000

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-08-16

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I never thought i’d say this, but i’m at a club and i dig it #

Dave Green Confession XIV

Dave — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 06:02:47 +0000

This one is tough to admit, because it’s forcing me to confront some things I might not be ready for.

When I went for my last haircut, I was talking to the woman cutting my hair, and I said something like: “I waited too long for this haircut, my hair gets kind of wild if I let it grow out…but hey, at least I still have it!” and then she said “well actually, you do seem to be losing your hair a bit on the top.” Then I remembered that I had been noticing a little bit of extra loose hair on my pillow and the shower floor. I didn’t think much of it, but all the signs were there! When I got home, I took a picture of the top of my head and sure enough, it is starting to get a little thinner on top. A couple days later, I talked to my dad about it and he said “well, if you start using rogaine now, you can probably keep from losing it too bad.”

Now, in the past I had always claimed that if I ever started to lose my hair, I would grow bald gracefully. I mean, baldness is not the worst thing in the world…some women even find it distinguished. The rogaine solution did seem tempting though. The downside of rogaine is that you have to continue using it for the rest of your life. To me, that seems like a heavy commitment, but not a complete deal-breaker. Then, when I started doing a little research, I stumbled upon the side effects, which include:

* acne on the area where it is being used as a topical solution

* headaches and/or lightheadedness

* very low blood pressure

* irregular or fast heart beat

* blurred vision or other vision problems

* decreased sexual desire

* partial, or complete, impotence

* numbness or tingling in the hands, feet or face

* rapid weight gain

* chest pain

Ouch. I mean, I could probably live with the headaches, numbness, chest pain, blurred vision, irregular heartbeat and low blood pressure. It’s just the thought of going through life as an acne-headed, impotent, really fat guy with no sexual desire that makes me kind of second-guess the whole rogaine thing; though, I would have a full head of hair!

In the end though, I have never been a person defined by my beautiful hair. In fact, my unmanageable hair has always been a bit of a burden. I guess I don’t care as much about losing my hair as what losing my hair represents. It is forcing me to recognize my own mortality . So, while I do not welcome baldness, I certainly accept it as an inevitability.

Addendum: Upon further research, the side effects I listed are rare and most would only occur if you used more than the recommended dosage. This has not, however, changed the conclusion of my post.

On Phonebooks

Dave — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 06:11:18 +0000

I haven’t used a phonebook in over 10 years; though, I don’t know if prank calling an adult bookstore when I was 16 even counts as “using” a phonebook. Phonebooks are obsolete and a horrible drain on our natural resources. So, why can’t I throw them away?

I think it’s something I learned from my parents. Growing up, we never threw away phonebooks. We always had great stacks of them in various places throughout the house. They would’ve been really handy if we ever needed to call someone new, but we never did. I’m pretty sure that when we moved, rather than parting with our precious phonebooks, we packed them up and took them with us. In fact, I bet if you look in my parents’ garage, you can still find several boxes of mint condition Garland phonebooks from the mid-1980’s.

I guess, by nature of their sheer bulk, phonebooks seem vaguely important. Why would they print millions of these gargantuan books and have them distributed door to door if they were meant to be thrown away? I know phonebooks are woefully antiquated, but I do give them some respect. I bring them into my apartment and drop them in a pile by the door. After a few weeks, I might trip on them when I’m in a hurry and rant about how they shouldn’t even make these things anymore.

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-08-08

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Went to a Hibachi place last night. I feel uncomfortable having the chef standing at the table trying to impress me with his cooking skills. #
A Hibachi cook is basically just a Mongolian Barbeque cook who likes to show off… #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-07-24

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I watched “In Bruges” tonight. I really enjoyed it. It goes to show that you can’t always judge a film by its horrible trailer. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-07-23

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:59:59 +0000

@persephone_x welcome to twitter. you don’t have to write well to post here, you just have to be succinct. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-07-19

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Electric toothbrushes that run on AA batteries are terrible. You’ve gotta spend the big bucks if you want your mouth to feel clean. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-07-16

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:59:59 +0000

My electric toothbrush broke. Buying an manual toothbrush is hard. So many choices. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-07-13

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 05:59:59 +0000

“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” starts out funny, but it gets really great a couple episodes into season 2. You should watch it on Hulu. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-07-11

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Crudite is only good when served with buffalo wings #

New Song!

Dave — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 07:24:59 +0000

I wrote a new song. This all started with me testing out the power of GarageBand on the new Mac (which is pretty awesome), but it turned into something very special. This song could either be a work of pure genius or one of the stupidest things I’ve ever written (which is saying a lot). My artist’s ego says it’s genius, but you’ll have to judge for yourself.

So for the first time ever, I present to you “The Funky Spot” by Joe Pancake (my new musical project/one man band/alter ego).

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-07-04

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I wrote a high concept song in high school called “I’ve got toothpaste in my hair”. I thought it was poignant, but it was bullshit. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-29

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

@christiney we do have a coffee maker in the break room, so we also dispense caffeine. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-28

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I’ll admit that I’ve been a bit skeptical of Obama,but when he speaks, it’s hard not to be enthused by what he’s saying. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-27

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

When normal cheese grows mold, I get disgusted and throw it away. So why is it that I pay an exorbitant amount for good blue cheese? #
@christiney don’t you work at a place that dispenses caffeine? #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-26

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Wine, stinky cheese, fatty salami, hard baguette. I love Central Market. #
I hate to disagree with one of the fictional charcters from Sideways, but I am kind of digging Merlot. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-24

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Sorry for the language, but in honor of George Carlin I have to say “Fuck Mickey Mouse, fuck him in the asshole with a big rubber dick…” #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-16

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I bought a year of mozy backup service. It’ll take 2 weeks to upload everything. That is the price for data security. That and 50 bucks. #
The MINIMUM price for The Ozzfest $79.50! When did BAJILLIONAIRES start digging ozzy? #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-14

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I’ve never eaten peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon before, but it’s really hard…especially when you’re drunk. #
I feel like I’m going to choke myself eating pure peanut butter — just put it on bread people! #
I have stopped eating peanut butter, and I am totally fine. #
Impulse album buying on amazon made me just get the Eagles Greatest Hits for 3 bucks. I do love “Desperado.” #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-13

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

They offered to take some money off my cable bill and I totally folded. I did not drop my cable. #
I’m not ashamed to admit I just paid 5 bucks for an Alanis Morissette Greatest hits album on Amazon. #
To clarify a previous post. Medium pulp is the ideal pulp content. I got some high pulp juice recently, and there was far too much pulp. #
I’ve been watching my own videos. Some of my stuff is overrated, but there are definitely some hidden gems #
It saddens me that my beach video has been viewed almost a thousand times, but juggling kiwis with commentary has under 100 views. #
Youtube offers video recommendations. Two of my three are for the “My Humps” video. I love this song, so it’s a pretty good recommendation #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-12

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I have some brilliance to put on youtube, but it will not allow me to upload! #

New Video!

Dave — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 02:00:11 +0000

This is a video I took at my friend Toothpick’s wedding reception. One of his dad’s friends was there, and he was drinking beer and dancing and having more fun than everyone in the room. When I first started recording him, I was a little apprehensive that he might not like it, but I asked him his permission and he was really cool about it. I just hope that when I’m his age I can be as free and unselfconscious as he is. I hope you enjoy.

Also, sorry in advance for the video quality.

P.S. In a somewhat related issue, as soon as I uploaded this video it was flagged for a copyright violation by the Universal Music Group. This is actually my second video to get that. Fortunately for everyone involved, they are letting me keep the video up. They do, however, reserve the rights to run ads on the video. I guess that’s a pretty fair trade for being able to legally use a Cat Stevens or Elvis Costello song. Also, in the case of the Elvis Costello video, they haven’t put ads on it yet. I guess they will only do that if my video becomes popular. If you’re interested, here’s the text of the e-mail I received:

Dear YouTube Member:

UMG has claimed some or all audio content in your video Life of the Party. This claim was made as part of the YouTube Content Identification program.

Your video is still live because UMG has authorized the use of this content on YouTube. As long as UMG has a claim on your video, they will receive public statistics about your video, such as number of views. Viewers may also see advertising on your video’s page.

Claim Details:

UMG

Content claimed:

Some or all of the audio content

Policy:

Allow this content to remain on YouTube.

Place advertisements on this video’s watch page.

Applies to these locations:
Everywhere

UMG claimed this content as a part of the YouTube Content Identification program. YouTube allows partners to review YouTube videos for content to which they own the rights. Partners may use our automated video / audio matching system to identify their content, or they may manually review videos.

If you believe that this claim was made in error, or that you are otherwise authorized to use the content at issue, you can dispute this claim with UMG and view other options in the Video ID Matches section of your YouTube account. Please note that YouTube does not mediate copyright disputes between YouTube owners. Learn more about video identification disputes.

Sincerely,
The YouTube Content Identification Team

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-10

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I think it’d be fun to tell people: “I’m a bit of a Civil War buff.” So, I’m thinking I might try to become one. To my local library! #
Is it possible to meet girls as a civil war buff? Do attractive women in their mid-twenties ever participate in civil war re-enactments? #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-09

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I’m on the verge of canceling my cable TV. It is kind of a fun challenge to see if I can fill a summer with non TV entertainment. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-07

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

The new Napster mp3 store is not bad either. Good selection, but for some reason I don’t like it as much as Amazon. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-06

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I was wondering what Marilyn Manson is up to, so I went to his website. There was some nice flash animation, but I couldn’t look at it long. #
“The Fragile” is an underrated album. You listen to it and realize that every single layered sound has a purpose. Craftsmanship! #
I hope Trent Reznor hasn’t given up making amazing music for making good music that is distributed in a revolutionary way. #
I love the apple keyboard, but the cord is far too short. I think they want you to get the wireless version, but I will not give in! #
After all of these years, I’ve finally stopped using a mousepad. So what does one do with a now useless KISS mousepad? #
I need to find an excuse to use the word “kerfuffle” some time. #
I’m buying Guns ‘N Roses “Appetite for Destruction” for 3 bucks from the Amazon MP3 store. It is so cheap I can’t think of any reason not to #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-04

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Why is “We are 138″ by the Misfits 1:41 long? They couldn’t have shaved 3 seconds off of it? #
The Beatles are debatably the greatest band of all time, but it seems some of their psychadelic songs came from a lack of good song ideas… #
So the Ira Glass on twitter isn’t the real Ira Glass? What a bummer. #
I bought the Weezer album “Pinkerton” from the Amazon mp3 store for 2 bucks. If all albums were 2 bucks, no one would steal music. #
Orange juice without pulp is not really orange juice. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-03

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Sorry for whining, but I’ve gone from tired last week to sick AND tired this week. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-06-01

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

According to my gps, i have 106 miles to go before i sleep. #
Wedding day is over and i had more fun than i could have imagined. #
@christiney I love the immediacy of twitter, and the fact that constantly text messaging makes me look like I’m popular. #
I’m so happy to be at home and out of fancy clothes. Tomorrow I’m going to dress like a hobo and maybe even eat beans straight out of a can! #
I’m not a big Pink Floyd fan, but at this very moment, I think I’ve actually become comfortably numb. #
In a previous post I said “wedding day is over”. For those who don’t know me, I’m not the one who got married. Ladies, I ‘m still single! #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-31

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

No one in my family is laughing at my jokes #
If apple is going to make their remotes so small, they should give you two or three. You’re bound to lose at least one. #
Nine thirty, wearing a tuxedo. My mantras are “try not to trip” and “don’t get donut crumbs on the suit” #
Stuck in traffic. Dallas never wants you to leave. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-30

Sat, 31 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I went to bed super-early,but I woke up and can’t get back to sleep. I have severely screwed up my circadian rhythms. #
I guess if I can’t sleep, I might as well watch the season finale of Lost. #
The haze of insomnia really adds a new dimension to “Lost”. I dug the season finale, though I am not 100% sure I understood it all. #
I sometimes wonder if other people find me as humorous as i find myself. #
In a church waiting for a wedding rehearsal to begin. I have an odd damien from the omen feeling. #
Lack of sleep is making me feel like a zombie. I could really go for some brains. Either that or a spicy tuna roll #
Twittering in a church seems a little wrong. Or at least the word “twittering” SOUNDS wrong. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-29

Fri, 30 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I’m compiling an address book, and I’ve come to the realization that I don’t know very many people… #
I was minimizing a window at work and i moved the mouse to the top left rather than the top right. I think that means i’m a mac user #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-28

Thu, 29 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I was lax in twittering that Amy kicked my ass in literati last night. I wouldn’t have mentioned it, but she reminded me I told her I would #
My mac is turning me into a digital pack rat. I finished cataloging my music and pictures. I am now starting on my DVD’s #
What WOULD a zombie want with jerky? #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-27

Dave — Wed, 28 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I doubt this is what my life would be like if I were unemployed, but it is nice to wake up at close to noon and eat chinese food. #
So far this 4 day weekend, I organized my digital music and digital photos. My digital life is much more in order than my real life. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-25

Dave — Mon, 26 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Remember in the nineties when swing music briefly made a comeback? I’m glad that’s over. #
Iron man certainly deserves a “bronze metal” #
I found iron man ironic! #
Robert Downey JR was a real scene “steeler” in iron man #
Iron man was so good it could have been directed by “ore”son welles. #
Stay tuned: more iron man puns coming as they develop #
Iron man was really conducive to entertainment! #
I was disappointed i thought iron man was going to be about some dude getting the wrinkles out of his pants #
I was an iron fan of iron man #
Iron man was a Fe on my periodic table of movies. “fantastic and excellent” #
My dad wrote this: “are these iron man posts getting rusty?” #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-23

Sat, 24 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Circumventing some of the mac’s eccentricities seems to be a bit of a cottage industry. #
Please don’t think that I don’t like my computer. It is a beautiful and quirky machine. Much like myself. #

Dave’s Thoughts for 2008-05-22

Dave — Fri, 23 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

According to mac people, i shouldn’t want to have a full-screen web browser. Thanks for letting me know. #
According to some, when I have a problem with the mac, it is not the computer, it is me “thinking like a windows user.” I will not drink … #
The top 50 metal songs of all time on Sirius is great, until they play something I’ve never heard. #
Not a big surprise, but Firefox is far better than Safari. #

On Twitter and Macs

Dave — Fri, 23 May 2008 05:22:14 +0000

You might have noticed that all of my posts recently have been through Twitter. That is because Twitter is a fast and easy way to capture my stream of consciousness. If I have a quick idea, I can send a text message, and it’s posted. I will still write longer things, but I love the immediacy of Twitter for everyday stuff. Hopefully some of it is amusing.

Also, from now on instead of calling them “Twitter Updates”, I think I will call them “Dave’s Thoughts.” That has more of a ring to it…

By the way, if this blog seems cooler, it is because this is my first post written on a Mac (a 24″ aluminum imac); though, since I haven’t found a good (and free) blog client for the Mac, I might have to use my Vista laptop to post in the future (Windows Live Writer is an amazing blog client).

P.S. Sorry for that last bit of nerdiness.

Twitter Updates for 2008-05-19

Tue, 20 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I just ordered an imac. I am officially one of the cool kids. Damn that effective "I’m a mac, I’m a PC" marketing campaign! #

Twitter Updates for 2008-05-18

Dave — Mon, 19 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Hummers seem to have a harder time in traffic. Is driving a big vehicle worth being hated by fellow motorists? #
I also hate those smart cars and myself. #
Dinner at my parents turned into helping them with their garden projects.the things I’ll do for ham. #
My dad is setting aluminum poles in concrete. Is it festivus time already? #

Twitter Updates for 2008-05-17

Sun, 18 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

About to go get my brakes fixed. I guess you could say i’m taking a brake! #
Scrubs seems like something i should enjoy. It sounds like something that should be funny, yet i do not laugh. #
I successfully slept through a hangover today! #
A woman in the ntb waiting room is watching the hockey game excitedly. At one point she clapped and everyone gave her a funny look #
I doubt the ntb has a clean bathroom. I am trying my very best not to find out. #
By the way ntb=national tire and battery, though the b can also stand for brake. #

Check it Out

Dave — Fri, 09 May 2008 00:41:42 +0000

I don’t have facial hair…for now…

Also, I enjoy wearing a nametag.

Haiku

Dave — Thu, 01 May 2008 05:24:42 +0000

So, the last two posts…
They were written while drinking.
They weren’t too bad, huh?

Dave Green’s Vocabulary Update

Dave — Thu, 01 May 2008 02:52:51 +0000

I am happy to report that I used the word "ennui" perfectly in a sentence today. Unfortunately, I was using it to describe what I’m feeling; so really, I’m not happy to report this or anything else at all.