The Dave Green Zone

This is a review my sister wrote about my previous piece “Visual Haiku”. I think it’s pretty good (and accurate):

David Green’s “Visual Haiku” was created in late 2008 as a response to criticism of his controversial “Fingerless Turkey”.  While damaging to Green’s ego, it is apparent that the constructive commentary attributed greatly to the evolution of  his work.  The simple yet dynamic pen and ink drawing exudes humor while still challenging the viewer intellectually.

Beginning from the top of the piece, we see “Visual Haiku” hastily written on the work itself.  The incorporation of the title lends to the child like nature consistent in the artist’s oevre . One could also perceive this as a dry jab communicating to the audience “You are not smart enough to get the joke on the on your own”. The actual letters are short and haughty as if their inclusion were an after thought. This differs greatly in comparison to the images below the heading which are almost too carefully drawn making the line quality jagged and varied.

The visual organization consists of a sequence of dancing numbers representing the syllabic pattern of a Japanese haiku. Working from left to right the viewer sees the first number five. The five has a smile on its face and appears to be happy though one eye is slightly larger than the other and his right arm is detached from his body. Connected to the five in an entanglement of fingers is the number seven.  This could  be considered the focal point of the drawing as his feet  contradict the direction of the other two numbers and his body is slightly turned toward the viewer to provide depth.
The last five, pulling the other two numbers to the edge of the paper,  is much thinner than the first. This final number is a positive departure from Green’s style. The movement demonstrated by the upward angled feet and the determined guiding arm is typical of someone emerging from the pre-schematic stage of drawing development.

The overall composition of David Green’s “Visual Haiku” mirrors the sparse, unrhythmic pattern of the Japanese poem. The viewer is able to see three different yet similar elements come together to form a poetic melding that is organic in nature but confined within boundaries.

My response in haiku form:

You art critics are
like literary critics
without the reading…

I don’t have facial hair…for now…

Also, I enjoy wearing a nametag.

There are some people moving in.  They appear to be a bunch of white frat boys with a Toyota sedan. They are taking turns fumbling around on a skateboard, blasting rap music out of their car’s crappy speakers, and giggling like school girls. There goes the neighborhood…

I recorded some music and I’ve been toying around with lyrics, but I’m coming up blank. I had some stuff written, but I felt it was a little disingenuous. The problem is, whenever I write, I’m  afraid to open myself up to ridicule, so I try to write something funny. I guess I feel that people judge goofy songs (and blogs) a little less harshly. It’s not so bad if someone laughs at you because you wrote a silly song about underwear, but it’s  got to be pretty painful if people laugh at something you really wrote from the heart.

Actually, I’m not a very good singer to begin with , so maybe it doesn’t matter what I write. Even if I had  Emily Dickens writing the lyrics, the song probably wouldn’t be that much better.  Now that I think about it, it is kind of liberating to have a bar set that low. So stay tuned folks, my song might be surprisingly adequate.

I spoke with my sister and cousin last weekend about my blog. They sat me down and told me, in no uncertain terms, that my blog is boring. They gave me some advice about how I could make things more interesting, but the overall consensus was that they won’t be reading it anymore. Unfortunately, that probably means that I have no more readers.

I was thinking about this and I’d like to apologize. I am sorry that I don’t care if you read this or not. If you’d like to stop by and see what I’m thinking, I welcome you, but try not to expect too much. It would be like coming over to my apartment and forcing me to do an amusing dance. I am an excellent host; If you came to my apartment, I would share my booze, tell some funny stories, have some laughs, and MAYBE I would eventually start dancing. It would be a wild, drunken, hilarious, tottering dance, but you would never see it if you tried to force it out of me.

So, in conclusion, don’t be an asshole. I know I can be entertaining, but it is something that has to come about naturally. So just relax and I might eventually post something interesting, or just stop reading and assume I’ll never post anything interesting again. Either way, please stop complaining.

-Dave

Well folks, today is the start of my 26th year on this crazy planet. I must say, this is my least exciting birthday yet. It is kind of like 25, except without the excitement of lower car insurance rates. To celebrate my birthday, I got some takeout Mexican food and watched “My Name is Earl”, then I read a chapter of “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater” and fell asleep for a few minutes. I must say, it might not sound fun, but I am pretty content. It is the quintessential Dave Green evening, and I really can’t think of a nicer way to celebrate my birthday. Well, that is a lie, I can think of several nicer ways to spend my birthday, but that doesn’t make this one any less enjoyable.

I had a bit of a death scare. My dad called me yesterday and told me there is a product recall on “Totino’s Party Pizza”. Apparently, the pepperoni might be infected with a deadly strain of E. Coli. This freaked me out because I ate Totino’s on Halloween. So, I spent yesterday fearing the worst. Luckily, I do not have any of the symptoms of an E. Coli infection (violent stomach cramps and bloody diarrhea), so at this point, I doubt I have it. I must say though, this pizza incident has given me a new lease on life. I am thrilled that I am still here, and I love you all! I would also like to announce that I am looking for a new favorite frozen pizza that won’t potentially kill me. Any ideas?

I was reading my last post and I realized that I said “thrilled” twice. I assure you that my vocabulary is magnificent, and that I know several synonyms for “thrilled” (elated, bursting with joy, on top of the world…just to name a few). I am coming down with a cold, and I was very tired when I wrote that, so I did not give it my normal rigorous proofread. I know that my readers expect a certain level of quality from my blog, so I hope that that gaff has not lowered your opinion of me.

YouTube has a feature that allows me to see who is linking to my videos. I am thrilled that people use my videos on Myspace and Facebook, but it makes me wonder: “Shouldn’t you people have more friends?” I am thrilled you feel you can express something by using my videos, but you’re only getting me one or two extra views! It appears that my “fan base” are a bunch of reclusive weirdos. I am the artist, I am supposed to be the eccentric hermit. You, on the other hand, are supposed to be young hipsters who turn all your trendy friends onto my videos. Then, once I gain fleeting Internet celebrity, I’ll sell out and retire. This has been my dream for over a year now, but you are all screwing it up. So, I am begging you, make some damn friends. (Recommended Reading: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.)

For the past few weeks I’ve been keeping track of my Google ranking. A few weeks ago I was the #150 Dave Green. Today I am #117. Dave Green is a pretty common name, so I am pleased to be as high on the list as I am, but I will not be completely happy until I am #1.

Of course, now that I think about it, there is a certain amount of anonymity that I get from being the 117th Dave Green. If a prospective employer were to Google my name, they’d be inundated with other Dave Greens and probably give up before they found me. Not that I have anything to be ashamed of, but you never know what these corporate types will think. I guess that is a risk I am willing to take…for now.

10/28/2007 – *Update* I am now the number 57 Dave Green. The world still ceases to care.

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